Why I hate all of you, your phones, my phone, and myself.

Since the arrival of the very first iPhone, people have found dozens of things to complain about. That’s how technology works. Take a cool product, half of the world will buy it and the other half will complain about how awful it is, and both sides will call each other hipsters.

When the iPhone finally made its way to the most popular network in the United States, people for miles around rejoiced upon rooftops singing “free at last, free at last, thank God almighty we are fr– oh wait, that was a different time….

*ehem*

… People for miles around were all like “Woo Verizon!” while others were all like “derp derp I can’t talk and surf at the same time derp that’s bullshit womp womp I hate everything that exists for one reason or another.”

So here’s the deal folks, For those of you who have complained since day one about how shitty your service was on AT&T, yet you mindlessly kept re-upping your iPhone contract year after year, release after release, like an idiot, you’re finally free to leave and go to “greener pastures.”

For the rest of you (this includes me), who live in an area where AT&T’s network is at the very least tolerable, feel free to stay and enjoy some of the perks we’ll all enjoy from a less congested network.

Bottom line here is this, I don’t want to hear any other complaints about the iPhone, AT&T, or Verizon. The senseless moaning is boring, out-played, and annoying.

You can get an iPhone on one of the two most popular networks in America, so go do that… and if you’re one of those “I-gotta-prove-you-wrong-Android-users,” You can take that awesome Android phone you have, with all those things that make it better than the iPhone (that you probably don’t even use) and go screw.

Goodnight.