Oh boy, are you guys loving iCloud as much as I am? It sure is a lot of fun. All of my stuff is synced to some data center in the sky and I feel great about it. It’s fantastic. Suddenly, the burden of keeping all of my iDevices in tune with one-another has become so much easier, and much more managable.

As I am pretty pissed right now, this article will likely be riddled with adult language. Consider this fair warning.

Alright Apple, I’ve had enough. I take your back more than most people I know, and usually, for good reason. You’ve done a great job as far as I’m concerned. You’ve brought me lovely toys to play with, and for that I thank you.

Moving on now, I’m fucking pissed. I’ve had the same Apple ID since the dawn of time and now that iCloud is here, it’s suddenly not good enough for you?

Here are the facts:

• I created my first Apple ID years ago. It’s so old, in fact, it’s attached to my AOL email, which I never use anymore.
• I signed up for MobileMe when it came out for things like iDisk, Back to my mac, Calendar and Contact syncing, and of course, an email address that wasn’t laughable.
• Apple decided to create another Apple ID for me based on my MobileMe email.
• I don’t use it. Period.
• iCloud shows up. After nearly a week of my MobileMe email being about as reliable as, well, AOL, it finally calms the hell down and basically forces me to use it as an iCloud account.
• Other than a few contacts, I have literally nothing attached to the @me.com Apple ID.
• And now it won’t let me use my AOL email for iCloud. It asks me to verify my account (by clicking a link in an email) and it never sends the email.

The first day it happened I said “Ok, no big deal, probably a massive system overload right now.”

The next day, still nothing, kind of annoying.

Today, still nothing. Really annoying.

It’s TWO THOUSAND FUCKING ELEVEN. I get verify emails from everyone these days. You hit a button on a site, an email shows up, you click the link and you’re all set.

Sigh. I could let that much slide though, if it weren’t for the other stuff.

So now I’m stuck with two Apple IDs. Well, technically three, but the third one I only used to buy 2 or 3 albums a long time ago, and have since re-purchased them on my go-to Apple ID (you know, because I can’t listen to a song on my computer if im not logged in to the right account). Anyway, so I’m stuck with two Apple IDs. One of them is up and running on iCloud, syncing all of my nothing with the servers, and then sending all that nothing to nothing because it’s fucking nothing. My other ID is saying “Ron, Fuck off” and doing nothing to help me whatsoever. So the logical thought would be: Let me see if I can merge these accounts! Take all of my Apple info, squash it together under one roof and life would be much more simpler. One account with the power to use iCloud, and the other account with everything relevant in it.

NOPE.

Not going to happen.

I started digging through the Google only to find out there have been hundreds of thousands of complaints on forums everywhere asking Apple to allow the merging of Apple IDs for the people that have accumulated more than one over the years. Apple, as always, has responded with utter silence. Quite honestly, this should have been addressed in the infant years of Apple IDs; Before they were attached to anything other than music. Apple, what the fuck are you doing?

So now I sit here, eager to review Apple’s iCloud experience for anyone who’d care to read it, but I can’t use it. So I’m sorry loyal Noisecast reader. I have nothing for you! There will be no review of iCloud.

Well, I guess this is a review of sorts.

Yeah. We’ll go ahead and consider this the iCloud Review: Part One.

Zero out of Five stars.

Fuck you Apple.