*Yes, it’s been done before. But not by me. You are about to read the ultimate guide to surviving a zombie outbreak.*
First, a few assumptions:
There are zombies. Zombies are contagious, hungry, and not functioning to full capacity. For the purposes of this guide, they are infected with a virus that controls the basic functions of the brain, and lack the full mental power that they may or may not have had during the first stage of their life.
There are survivors. They are scared, jittery, and probably trigger happy. Thanks to the extreme amount of paranoia and adrenaline, they are just barely smarter than the zombies. They are also physically fit. Everyone has to run from zombies at some point, and that fat guy that works the drive thru at Arby’s probably didn’t make it.
Now, onto the end of your life. Yes, you’re going to die. Not sure how, but it happens. You’ll think a lot about your death in the first few seconds after you realize that your neighbor is now hungry, undead, and (still) a douchebag. He didn’t even return your chainsaw, which would have made dispatching him easier. The spatula worked, but you need to gear up. Lock all exterior entrances to your home, and cover the windows. Keep the sounds to a minimum. Check on your family. If your wife/husband is at work, too bad. Your emotions need to be locked away for a long time.
Go to your bedroom and gather clothes. They need to fit in a duffel bag that you can sling over your shoulder. Ensure you have one set for every season, and bring boots and tennis shoes. Cargo pants are preferable. Grab an extra duffel bag and head to the garage, grabbing the two biggest knives from your kitchen first. Elapsed time since Zombie Bill’s arrival at your door: 5 minutes.
Source : Years of Training