Welcome to another weekly episode of the NoiseDraft, a completely made up mock draft for your reading pleasure. Each week the topic changes and each week the selection order changes. Feel free to continue the draft in the comments below! Just remember, once something has been chosen, you can’t choose it again!
Admit it, there’s some evil villains out there that you’d more than happy take on as your domestic partner. They may be bad, they may be egomaniacs, but you may see a sweeter side to their madness. Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t consider Xenia Onatopp or Detective Alonzo Harris to be your significant other! But, for all those baddies that may make for good partners, there’s just as many evil geniuses who would be terrible, absolutely terrible, to co-habit with! Here’s our picks for villains we would definitely not want to share our bed with.
1. Ray – Poison Ivy from Batman
For starters she’s a eco-terrorist, which is just dumb. And I’d be afraid her vag was a venus fly-trap what would eat my dick.
2. Ben – Mystique
At first glance, her being able to take any form might seem like a good thing. But just imagine you’re fooling around when suddenly… BAM, penis. She could also probably accuse you cheating on her with herself. Bitches are crazy like that.
3. Steven – Gargamel from The Smurfs
At first things would be all right because he really wants to get rich, but when you tell him that his master plan involves a bunch of blue shroom leprechauns things might get ugly. He has a bajillion spells and potions so if you get on his bad side then it’s a one way ticket to roofie land, all day, every day, and every night. On the bright side, he’s stupid enough to accidentally put the stuff in his own coffee instead.