NoiseDraft: Things we would not want to be labeled as fanboys/fangirls of

Welcome to another weekly episode of the NoiseDraft, a completely made up mock draft for your reading pleasure. Each week the topic changes and each week the selection order changes. Feel free to continue the draft in the comments below! Just remember, once something has been chosen, you can’t choose it again!

Fanboyism has been around for as long as competition has existed. You can’t get away from it no matter how hard you try to avoid it. Sometimes you are labeled as a fanboy because you said, or didn’t say, something. It’s a rabid phenomenon that can mar friendships, destroy marriages, or even drive a person to murder. Luckily for geeks the degree of fanboyism rarely exceeds the heated internet banter level (except for WoW players, they’re fucking crazy). However, there are a few topics that some of us feel we would not want to be labeled as fanboys or fangirls of. Whether they be detrimental to social life or are things that guarantee a foreveralone life, here’s our picks for this week!

1. Alberto – MySpace

Even Tom has moved on.

2. Chris – Anything Tech

I’d hate to be labeled as a fanboy of any specific tech category. If you gain that label, then no one will listen to you about anything, because they’ve “heard about your kind on the internet.”

3. Agrippa – Lameness

These answers are lame. You’re lame fanboys. Fanboys of lameness. I never want to be labelled a fanboy of lameness.

4. Ron – Apple

I know I’m already labeled as one, and I’m not thrilled about it. I definitely gravitate towards Apple products, but only because they fit into my ecosystem nicely. Not because I think Apple is infallible. They make mistakes just like everyone else. Sigh.

5. Steven – Incandescent Light Bulbs

You’re at a party getting your drink on, schmoozing with friends and the crowd. Then Buzz Killington approaches and says, “Man this party is cold. You know what can warm it up? The natural glow of incandescent light bulbs instead of the cold and over-saturated brightness of these fluorescent bulbs.” We’ve all witnessed this type of fanboy or fangirl, as they seem to pop up everywhere. First you think it is a joke, but when they start idolizing Thomas Edison, begin to talk about the glowing beauty of an orange filament, or mention the government conspiracy behind the brain altering emissions and eavesdropping light waves emitted by fluorescent bulbs, shit gets creepy real quick. I’d hate to be labeled as an incandescent light bulb fanboy.

2 thoughts on “NoiseDraft: Things we would not want to be labeled as fanboys/fangirls of”

  1. Fuck, is it Sunday already? I’m fucking horrible at keeping track of the days lately.

    Anyway, real dolls. “Have you seen the Lisa 2012 model? They really outdid themselves on the labia this year. It’s the realest fake vagina you’ve ever seen.”

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