Well, it’s another roundup. Yay. Let’s get to it.

• Confirmed: All non-African people are part Neanderthal.
  “Though it’s worth pointing out that from now on, if someone says, “I hate the whole human race,” they’re technically only talking about black people. That may or may not be racist.” – Courtesy of Tom Haflinger.

• Borders Books is shutting down.
  Whatevs.

• Microsoft offers $250,000 reward for Rustok botnet information.
  … hmm… will any information do?

• U.S. Army testing Android, iOS, and WP7 on the battlefield.
  Can’t get AT&T signal in New Mexico and Texas. You probably think I made a joke. Read the article. Wow, spotty AT&T coverage, how shocking. SHOCKING I TELL YOU, that it’s only New Mexico and Texas where the coverage is spotty. I choose to believe that’s because they were only tested in New Mexico and Texas.

• Cyberwar: It’s not just fiction anymore.
  Well duh. Everyone knows that Mathew Broderick saved us from thermo nuclear annihilation by playing tic tac toe, in that one documentary.

• There is no longer an iPad backlog.
  Oh thank god. My life was on hold. I was worried that everyone on the planet was going to only have one iPad, but now we can feed their addiction and get themselves moar applez.

• Amazon launches Kindle textbook rentals.
  You know what? Honestly? I don’t care. I graduated. Tell me how it works out for you suckers, sucker.

• Microsoft’s Windows Phone team working on a top secret project.
  G-14 classified. And oh yes, there will be blood.

• Nokia may slash prices across entire cellphone line this year.
  Does not include WP7, obvi. So I shrug. Today I shrug a lot. Why? Because meh that’s why. Now stop asking stupid questions. Why are you even here?

• Apple to launch low-priced iPhone for $350, iPhone 4S/5 end of Summer.
  Are we tired of the Apple news yet? Should I just start calling this the Apple roundup from now on?

• Scientists discover the overriding purpose of the internet.
  This is a bit surprising, but this makes sense. Also, congratulations to the class of 2011.

This guy is always good for a laugh.