NoiseDraft: Tech executives we’d bone to repopulate the planet with

Welcome to another weekly episode of the NoiseDraft, a completely made up mock draft for your reading pleasure. Each week the topic changes and each week the selection order changes. Feel free to continue the draft in the comments below! Just remember, once something has been chosen, you can’t choose it again!

This week we’re letting our loins do the talking. There’s a lot of successful executives out there in the tech sector, each with different qualities and characteristics that makes them so successful. Take a trip back to Survival Week and put yourself in this situation: the threat to humanity has been eliminated but not without a major toll on the human race. Only two people have survived, you and a certain tech executive. Your mission is simple. You two must repopulate the world and keep the human race alive! Who do you choose to be your Eve to your Adam, or Adam to your Eve, or Adam to your Adam?

1. Ben – Woz

He’s so big and cuddly. Like a teddy bear. The next generation would be user- friendly. And I’m sure a genius of his caliber could figure out a way to get around that whole “two men having a baby” thing.

2. Ron – Mich Mathews of Microsoft

She’s a girl. That’s the only reason. I’m not trying to get down with some dude, no matter how awesome he is. Sorry Jobs.

3. Alberto – Marissa Mayer, VP of Search Products and User Experience @ Google

Because quite honestly we’re gonna have to recreate society as we knew it and I refuse to live in a society where I can’t quickly find a way to search out lolcat pictures.

4. Vitto – Barbara Carbone

She’s an attractive woman, sure. But her name has “bone” in it. Giggity.

5. Kevlar – None

Because if we needed to repopulate the planet, we’d need the ones who do the lab work and research, not the figureheads who shuffle numbers all day. Plus, hot sciencey chick is way better than a hot executive.

6. Steven – Arianna Huffington

The world would be a better place if everyone loved baklava, drank ouzo, and had lamb and pig roasts every weekend. Besides, Greeks were already the cradle of civilization once before, might as well do it again by repopulating the world with two brilliant, attractive, cultured, eloquent, intelligent, romantic, adventurous, honest, funloving, sensual, sexual, kindhearted, energetic, amazing, awesome, incredible, perfect, godly, and down to earth Greeks like Arianna and me.

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