**DISCLAIMER** The Noisecast Does Not in anyway condone excessive drinking or alcoholism. We’re not stupid morons who lack a common sense of decency, and understand that some people have a genuine problem. That said, all things, as always, done in good fun. The Noisecast drinks too much and pays the price. What started as a perfectly normal podcast turned into a gulag of slurred speech, off color jokes, frat boy homo-eroticism, and the occasional news item and insight. Following on the system begun last week, rather than bombard you with news items, we’ll be keeping the roundup as short as possible. I’ll attempt to streamline to between 6 and 10 news items out of the hundreds (and sometimes thousands) I have to sift through during the day. The roundup is after the jump. Let’s begin.

• Episode 27 of the Noisecast – “Shots”
  You can sift through the topic list and show notes while listening to the latest episode. Buyer beware, we take a very long alcohol induced ride off a very short pier. I can promise you the episode was its usual bag of fun though.

• Samsung Reportedly Preparing a Beast of a 2 Ghz dual-core processor for Smartphones
  Word out of gadget candy land is that Samsung will be gracing us with a dual-core 2Ghz processor for Smartphones. This means smartphones in a year will be able to match the power of  PCs… Here’s hoping they solve the whole battery issue with that. I’d love a super power system that lasts longer than five minutes.

• Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr is a moron.
  Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr is a moron. I just had to repeat that. In fact, from now on I’m going to refer to him as “Moron Jessie Jackson the lesser”, or just “ugh!” This idiotic Luddite is blaming the iPad for killing US jobs. You might give him the benefit of the doubt, being a congressman, he must be one of the best of us… but then you read his explanation as to why and you realize that the statement that the iPad is killing US jobs is the least moronic thing he said about this. He only gets more stupid. I feel sorry for him to be honest. Surely he has an aide working for him who knows better and can protect him from this sort of humiliation.

• iPhone 5 Will Enter Production in September, allegedly
  Here comes the new slate of rumors. The word on the street is that the iPhone 5 is nothing more than a (magically) better iPhone 4. I wonder, isn’t that the point of an upgrade? I think we all could have guessed it would be a better iPhone 4. Anyway, word has it that they will run a manufacturing test run in August and start mass manufacturing in September.

• Apple Sues Samsung Over Galaxy Phone, Tablet
  Apple is suing Samsung because their bland featureless slab looks like Apple’s bland featureless slab. (Seriously, I love minimalism, but come on…). Apple is taking this seriously because according to them Samsung copied Apple designs. Good luck with that. (every other sleek looking mobile device is on notice now, I guess.) To be fair, there is more than a passing similarity, both of them being… you know… rectangles.

• Speaking of which, Samsung’s super slender 10.1 inch Honeycomb baby just broke cover
  This is a beautiful looking device. It seems at least as thin as the iPad 2 and possibly slightly thinner. It runs Honeycomb and is super glossy. I hate glossy, but matte can suck. Can we get more transflective a la Notion Ink’s Adam?

• Depressed guy eats his own fingers.
  This guy was really really sad, and is only one of a handful of incidents of self-cannibalism. He severed his own fingers, cooked ’em up with vegetables, and nom nom nommed all the way to the crazy house (and psychological history).

• 30 Science Fiction and Fantasy Movies That will Make this Summer Rock.
  io9 brings us a break down of the sci fi/fantasy flix that could be heating up this summer. This might actually be the best summer for movies in a while. I for one am looking forward to Thor, Cowboys and Aliens, and the end to Harry Potter. That’s about it for me. Other things might be a bit interesting. Some, I have no interest in (I have yet to watch the second Transformers, no interest in the one coming).

And to round out the drunkenness theme: