smartwater’s dumb ad targets web culture, memes

Apparently the marketing managers at smartwater haven’t been binging enough on their product. Energy Brands, the private subsidiary of Coca-Cola has launched a new ad campaign titled “Jen Aniston’s Sex Tape” that pokes fun at memes and internet culture in order to make the video go “viral.” Remember the last time someone tried to utilize internet culture in its ad in an attempt to make itself funny and relevant for online consumers? Of course you don’t, but for the record it was that shitty Double Rainbow commercial from Microsoft. Let’s break down the smartwater ad, shall we?

0:00 – Keenan Cahill lip-syncing to a year old pop song immediately captures the YouTube and Jersey Shore market segments. That’s right, strong start!

0:09 – Boom, Jennifer Aniston immediately caters to internet adolescents because she is beautiful, but she also caters to women because of The Rachel!

0:20 – The most pressing question on everyone’s mind! Yes, water! Surely this must be a celebrity filled ad to raise money and awareness for the ongoing fresh water shortage in third world countries!

0:28 – Just kidding, fuck those poor bastards. Let’s talk about the important water issue here: how to get stupid people to buy into a wallet-draining calculated marketing ploy, because bottled water just doesn’t cut it any more!

0:30 – No, you’re all idiots who wouldn’t understand “I’m here to talk about smartwater” because in this day an age 90% of you people are one step closer to de-evolutionizing the human race back to chimpanzees.

0:40 – Even Jennifer is in disbelief at how moronic smartwater thinks we all are.

0:44 – Every internet user is a tablet wielding geek. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Don’t believe me?

0:50 – “This is why I have these three lovely internet boys.” See, I told you so.

0:55 – Animals are insta-memes!

0:59 – Dawwwwwwwww, puppies! Ahem, first pitfall of this video is not choosing cats. Learn your market, smartwater!

1:09 – Obligatory beaten-to-death parrot joke. Just to be relevant.

1:11Over 15.5 million views? FUCK YEAH THIS IS RELEVANT!

1:16 – If you’re gonna try to take the web’s oldest meme and try to make it relevant to today’s internet culture by sexing it up, all you need to do is add Pedobear. Unfortunately it now just looks like smartwater is trying way too hard.

1:37 – Relevant all the way!

1:55 – Exactly what smartwater is metaphorically doing to its audience with this ad, without the golden shower finale.

2:08 – I know how to boost smartwater sales! Fapping makes you thirsty, so what better way to make our audience go buy smartwater than by having them fap to our ad! Also at this point smartwater just says “fuck you” to all other demographics it established that it was catering to in the first 20 seconds of this ad. After all, the internet is made up of male geeks and horny boys.

2:25 – Oh, just a reminder in case you somehow managed to forget what this ad was about. It’s not like the product was advertised at all beyond the five seconds at the twenty second mark.


2:33 – Totally irrelevant video title because internet culture loves irrelevancy! Oh, and Eva Mendez did it and that was an internet hit!

2:38 – They should change their tagline to “smart because we just wet-willied your ears with our dicks for the last two minutes and you didn’t mind.”

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