The Shakeweight was invented to give late night TV watchers something to imagine, and to tone the arms of naive women. There’s even classes in gyms across the country where they do it en mass.
But before the Shakeweight, before Arnold became Mr Universe, there was a natural way to get the same motion. How do you think our ancient brethren stayed so fit?
They jerked off Mastadons. Yep. Wooly Mammoths. Just think about that. I bet it was even started for the males of the era. Look how fit they were. It wasn’t from sitting around the fire and rolling square wheels.
I’m an expert, in fact, I’m the expert in prehistoric arm-toning fitness. This means I can say that many physiques of our forefathers were dictated by the animal population.
Take, for instance, the Homo Habilis, an ancient tribe of Africa – land of the elephants. Large shoulders, over-shaped arm muscles. Yep.
How about the Native Americans, who lived in a land of Buffalo. Smaller ..erm.. weight, but faster strokes allow for more reps at higher speeds, which means more fat burn.
The Mongolians had Yaks, so they had to fight through all that hair which led to the evolution of their smaller fingers for digging through the tangled ‘mane’ and find the exercise.
I cannot explain the Norwegians. They must have been hiding some dinosaurs.
The first “Shake Class” was held in the herding pens, and used as a way to keep the animals docile.
Don’t believe me? Find some proof.
3 thoughts on “Jerking off a Mastadon – Shake Weight Counter Review”
L O fucking L
Given how dangerous a modern elephant in musth is, I doubt even our smaller cranial capacity ancestors would try it.
Hyroglifics or it didn't happen!!
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