Noisecast Roundup: Life After Aperture

Welcome to tonight’s roundup. We’ve got a mixed bag of stuff you care about, and things that are visually uninteresting. Zuckerberg, Apple, black market kidneys, Groupon, DNA, Duke Nukem, stealing and justice. All of it, wrapped up in a corn tortilla, toasted to perfection. But first, here’s a nifty independent video regarding what could have happened after Portal.

Groupon files for IPO.

Yes, that company that decided mocking Tibet was okay as long as they threw money at the problem has filed for a $750million IPO. The SEC filing has also given a little peek under the skirt of Groupon, notably that they spend a ton of money gaining new customers, and that they’re posting losses. Large losses.

Zuckerberg’s legal team yells “GTFO”… in legalese.

Remember this guy? The one who claims he had a contract with Mark Zuckerberg regarding ownership of Facebook? Well, Zuck’s legal team has filed a rebuttal to the suit that pretty much boils down to “he’s a scammer, a fraud, and someone with horrible timing” [my phrasing]. Check the link for a snippet of the filing.

In Tennessee, oversharing your Netflix password may get you in trouble with the law.

Now, I thought it would just be something that gets your account banned, and goes against the TOS, but Nashville’s large backing by the RIAA has made this a crime, punishable by ass-raping, or whatever happens in prison. No real mention was made on enforcement, but hey, idealists are happy.

Wake up like P. Diddy; Shred cash until you get out of bed.

It takes me a few alarms to get up in the morning, but I doubt I’ll ever go to this extreme. The basic premise is that once the alarm goes off, it starts shredding bills. Of course, this thing is just a prototype, but would make for an excellent gag gift – or a gift for that college student that slept through their exams and wasted a semester’s tuition.

Chinese kid sells kidney for iPad2.

I hope it wasn’t a knockoff. I really hope it wasn’t a knockoff.┬áTeen sells kidney for an iPad 2, and when his mom asks where he got it, he tells her. She proceeds to flip out. Apparently, the hospital is denying the surgery ever took place. Are you happy, Mr Jobs?

Duke Nukem trailer is exceedingly… Duke Nukem.

Yeah, it’s vulgar, dirty, violent, gory and loud. So everyone should be happy, until Mothers of America decide to get their panties in a collective twist about a game they’re going to buy for their kids.

DNA computing is now doing square roots.

Not bad for some protein, am I right? Well, it takes 130 types of molecules working together to get it done, so that makes this twice as amazing. Ever tried to get DNA to network? Last time I attempted it, I had a kid. Admittedly, this article is a bit over my head, and I can’t possibly summarize it in a logical fashion, so go check it out.

Guy gets busted with stolen laptop via the webcam.

Limo/Cab driver steals laptop. Laptop’s security software uses webcam to take his photo and upload it. Photo is used to identify man. Man is arrested. ┬áComputer programmer gets his justice.

iCloud speculation gets heavy.

Labels are signed on? The price is set? According to the L.A. Times, yes. The big 4 music labels are signed on, with Universal Music Group being the most recent. It’s also said to cost $25 a year, with a trial period for iTunes subscribers. If this is true, then Apple has a leg up due to the fact that they have the blessing of those with big lawyers.

Wonder what happened to MeeGo? They couldn’t get their act together.

Apparently, after running with their pet project, Nokia sat down and did the math. On January 4, they realized they were on track to release three products before 2014, a pace that would give them a severe disadvantage. Lots of hearts were broken, but that’s what happens when you don’t plan accordingly.