So I went under the knife on October 29 at 6:45am. I’ve never had surgery before so I was freaking out a bit. The doc briefed me, I changed unto the patient gown, and the nurses took me to the operating room. They strapped me onto the table and then the anesthesiologist put the IV in me. They started engaging me in idle conversation, probably to calm me down. Then I woke up. Seriously, I don’t remember passing out. The last thing I remember was talking to the nurses. They had told me that the anesthesia causes short term amnesia. I was in a dimly lit room sitting on a chair, my back at a 45 degree angle. Waking up was a bitch. You know that feeling when you wake up in the morning but you’re so tired you want to fall back asleep? Take that feeling and multiply it by 1000. I was floating in an out of consciousness for I don’t know how long. When I finally woke for good, I did a quick mental body check. I felt like shit. I was extremely weak (probably from all the blood I lost), my face was numb, my nose was plugged up, I had cotton mouth, and my lungs were hurting whenever I took a deep breath (probably from the breathing tube). The nurse came in and gave me some ice chips and changed the gauze on my nose.

At that point began the most miserable week of my life. The doctor had told me post-surgery that the inside of my nose was really bad. This type of surgery lasts two hours. It took him four. The inside of my septum was a mix between a bad spider web and a rough zig-zag of cartilage that had hardened over the past 10 years. The doctor had to pretty much rework the entire septum. This was probably why my face had swollen up so bad that I couldn’t even open my eyes. Rocky Balboa looked like a Top Model compared to me. The week was hell. I couldn’t sleep, I could barely eat since I could barely open my mouth. My nose was a faucet of blood. The pills weren’t doing much, except for the steroid which was making me emotional. Every hour I would pray for euthanasia or suicide. That’s how miserable. For a good week I couldn’t open my eyes. After a week I could slowly open them just a bit but everything was blurry.

Now, two weeks later I’m feeling much better. I can walk around, I have my energy and appetite back. Most of the swelling is gone, but there is still a small amount on my nose and around my eyes. My face is about 90% back to normal. Like I said, there’s still some minor swelling, and I have bruises under my eyes as well as yellow-green rings around my eyes (a sign that swelling is going down). I’m not feeling any pain except when I touch my nose. I still can’t blow it. The bleeding only stopped a few days ago, so the insides are still sensitive and raw. I can breathe out of it, and man, I can breathe GREAT! No more morning runny nose. No more sinus headaches. I feel awesome! About 4 days ago the doctor gave me the OK to shower again. For a good week and a half all I could do was wash below my neck. It felt so good to get all the filth off me. My body is still a bit dehydrated so I have some dry skin (shaving was a bitch). But I’m on my way to a full and healthy recovery. Tuesday I’m going to the doc and it’s pretty probable he will take me off of bed-rest. Hopefully he’ll lift the restriction on orgasms too, because I’m so fucking horny it’s not even funny. I’m about ready for a 10 hour fuck fest!

So what’s next? Well, for the next 6 months to a year I have to be extremely careful with my nose. Gotta make sure I don’t hit or bang it. Gotta be extra careful at bars and clubs, and I have to not piss anyone off. I probably also have to be careful when kissing. Can’t get TOO passionate during the moment. It’s a downhill battle from now on. I survived. For the next few weeks the minor physical after-effects will fade (swelling, burst blood vessels in eyes). And for the next few weeks I’m going to regain the 10 pounds I lost.

Thanks to everyone who visited me and thanks to everyone who called with well-wishes!

After one year of trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me and another year of postponing the surgery needed to fix what I found out was wrong with me, I’m finally going under the knife on Wednesday October 29th. It’s nothing serious (although I did have to sign a waiver saying that I was aware that there is a possibility of death with this surgery). If anything this surgery is just Karma paying me back.

When I was 13 I had broken my nose in Greece. Back then in the day, before the internet, when our TV in Greece consisted of 2 over the air channels in black and white (if we were lucky, we might get a third one through the static with no audio), when kids played outside and used their imagination, it was popular for guys to initiate their transgression from child to teenager with an all out rock throwing war. Now don’t get me wrong, we weren’t some fucked up cannibals that whipped rocks at each other for laughs. It was more or less innocent. We would split into two teams, make a fort behind a rickety old wall or broken down house, and throw rocks at each other. We would hide under some wooden planks or any other obstacle we found and get a mini adrenaline rush when a rock would crash on our shelter on top of us. And we’d throw rocks back at the other side. A sure way to make someone proud of their first-grown scrotum-hair was if they got hit in the arm or leg with a rock. We’d suck in the pain and tough it out. We were becoming men. We still were stupid as hell.

Needless to say, I got hit in the nose with a rock during one of these battles. Instead of telling my parents and going to the hospital, I ran home, spent an hour and a half in the bathroom splashing cold water on my face and using 3 rolls of toilet paper, just to stop the bleeding. God knows the shit I put on the wound that I found in the medicine cabinet: disinfectant, iodine, cotton swabs, even band aids. Well, the bleeding finally stopped, thanks to all the cotton and toilet residue plugging it up. I didn’t know my nose was broken. So I never went to the hospital. And good thing I didn’t, cause my mom would have kicked my ass even more the following day if she had to take me to the hospital (Greek moms, you won’t understand them unless you’re a Greek. But it’s normal. Trust me.)

My nose healed and that was that. Until 2 years ago when I started having a runny nose every morning. Every single day I’d wake up congested with a runny nose and sneezing every so often until around noon. At first I thought it was a cold. But colds don’t last 6 months. I figured it might be allergies. I went to the doctor and he gave me the usual Nasonex and some pills. They didn’t work. I ended up getting used to the congestedness so ignored it. Then I had my first run in with sinusitis. After being rushed to the ER, they told me that it was just an infection and it would go away in a few days. It did. But I had a run in with it again during that summer. You don’t get sinusitis in the summer. I went to a different doctor. He took x-rays and saw my crooked nose (it doesn’t look crooked when you look at my face). He told me that the sinusitis was a result of a deviated septum from a broken nose. 1+1=2. I needed to get surgery to fix it.

So here I am 10 years later paying the price for a stupid fucking teenager initiation stunt. They call it “nasal reconstruction surgery” but in layman’s terms it’s a nose job. I’ve been on a pre-surgery diet this past two weeks and I haven’t shaved in a week and a half. I hate having facial hair for more than 3 days. But I had to get the itchy phase out of the way before surgery. Once I the surgery is done, I’ll be KTFO (knocked the fuck out) for a few weeks with a bruised and swollen face, plus a nose cast. For two to four weeks after surgery I won’t be able to do much, and that includes no sexual activity of any sort. Orgasms give your nose a blood rush. A month without sex? I should join a monastery…..

The healing process takes 6 months. For at least month I’m gonna be MIA. I’m not looking forward to it. I will be continuing to post here. I’ll have plenty of newfound time on my hands, so I’ll probably be posting some stories from my crazy life in general (I attract weirdos and am witness to plenty situations filled with hilarity…just the other day I saw a midget mobster, but I’ll save that for another post!).

So wish me luck. Not only on the surgery, but also on the GMAT which I’m taking the day before it!