I have this huge problem of thinking big. My ideas and goals live in a world where money is not an option. The other day I caught myself using Google to research how much it would cost to employ a film production team; something small to be able to crank out video editorials, news briefs, and possible investigative reports. I am not sure if I suffer from megalomania or its the natural ENTJ that is coming out (Editor’s note: this sentence proves that it is megalomania). However, I hate giving up on my obscenely unattainable ideas because I don’t have those millions of dollars to make them come true.

So I begin to think big by thinking small. I am finding myself in that position again. I’m taking baby steps towards making a fist and cocking the arm back, knowing fully well that it will all lead to that giant leap of a punch. Unfortunately this means reevaluating my position. What do I have? What do I need? What do I have that is not helping me get what I need? This means not succumbing to my natural pride and compassion that are challenged far too often in these situations. Just thinking about it is causing an uneasy knot to develop.

So what does this leave me with? Decisions that cannot be answered with questions. Rational uncertainty. Heart vs mind vs society. I know that I will be OK regardless the approach. I always end up OK. I can take it, and when I can’t, I take it until I find an opportunity to privately purge.

So what of my big ideas? They are being processed and refined in my brain. Some might not see the light of day. One already has and I’m working on evolving it. But what they all have in common is this: thy require a lot of money to work, but I never once have thought about how much money I will make from them. I’ve always been one for providing content because content is made for providing, not because it’s made to make money.

By now you are thoroughly confused at what this post is talking about. Don’t worry, I am just as confused as you. But if you want to blame anyone, blame ABC News for their story on how people in my generation are not failing, they are just blossoming later. I’m blossoming all right, blossoming my blog at the late hour of 2:15am.