Apple disappointed the world today with its terribly named new product the iPad. With all the hype surrounding it and Apple promising that it will bring some revolutionary ways of interaction, I was expecting some Project Natal-like tech to be used in controlling this thing. But we were graced with an oversized iPod Touch and I don’t see crowds forming outside the Apple Stores nationwide for this thing. And no, I won’t tell any iPad tampon jokes since the web has exploded with them! However, I do want to touch upon an observation I made about the iPad. It’s taken me all day since its unveiling to put this to words cause it’s a bit of an abstract idea but I’ll do my best (hell, I even dictated my thoughts and recorded them to my iPhone in order to piece them all together!).

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a hater of the iPad. It’s just not something I’d go get and not something “magical and revolutionary” as Steve Jobs proclaimed. It does however shed some light on a potential gaming revolution that could be on the horizon. Now no gamer is gonna go snag one of these because it’s a gaming machine. But one cannot help but to think of the door that this device has opened for the industry. Imagine the next generation handheld gaming devices. What do you envision?

What if Sony, Nintendo, or Microsoft jumped onto the iPad concept and took it to a whole new level when it comes to gaming. Imagine a Microsoft iPad-esque product that has a front Natal camera. Just set the device on your lap and use your hands as guns or a steerig wheel and see the results in front of you. Imagine using gestures to go between screens, similar to Minority Report or Gamer. Juice up a thing like this with the appropriate hardware and you can be looking at a whole new gaming experience. Imagine bringing the device home only to transfer what’s happening on it’s screen to your console/TV in real time!

Apple’s focus with the iPad isn’t gaming but it does help provide inspiration and innovation into what the next generation of handheld gaming devices could be like. Sort of how mini-PCs were ahead of their time yet provided the groundwork for netbooks, the Apple iPad could be laying the groundwork for the PSP 3 or the DSi 2.

The gaming industry was revolutionized today by Apple’s unveiling of it’s new product the iPad. Pretty much it is a giant iPod touch but don’t let that sway you! Hidden deep within its 9.5 inch display lies technology that will change the face of games forever! In an exclusive interview with Fried Yoda, Apple fanboi William “Steve Jobs” Gates IV said, “This thing will revolutionize the gaming industry, but we didn’t want to reveal all the details today.” As seen at today’s event, game execs and demos were fairly lackluster, but that was all part of the plan according to Jobs.

“There’s a big secret inside the iPad that not only will allow it to take action during the heaviest of flows but it will also literally expand how games are played in front of your very eyes!” Steve-o-rino proceeded to reveal this mind-blowing tech to us: Continue Reading »

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Kaz Hirai wants to please the ladies. And when he pleases the ladies, he wants to make sure that the pleasing is done right! That’s why the upcoming PS3 controller, the “Vibe,” is being bumped from a Spring 2010 release date to a Fall 2010 release date.

“I want to personally make sure that our product will satisfy the current and potential female market out there. I will be overseeing and lending a helping hand and finger in all future testing of the Vibe controller,” Sony’s head honcho Kaz Hirai said.

The Vibe is said to feature multiple settings as well as a motion controller that executes commands based on hip movements. The pink bulbous head (Ed. note: sorry, it’s just too easy…) will be pressure sensitive as well. Sony claims that this will bridge the game between a men and women when it comes to gaming. So far, reception from females has been fairly positive with one woman saying, “it will now give me great pleasure to use my Playstation 3.”

My long range sensors indicate that there’s a lot of you faggots ruining my Star Trek Online gameplay experience. That’s right, all you little nerds running around asking stupid shit like “Where’s Sulu?” or “How do I access my bridge?” Let me tell you something, I’m a fucking Trek VETERAN, asshole! You want to be like Picard and shit? Man fuck that old dickhead twat! I fucking grew up with Spock and shit. I’m hardcore, bro! Kirk? I was the inspiration for Kirk! He wasn’t even in the original Star Trek! Which is why it sucked! So one day when I was a toddler my babysitter lived next to Gene Roddenberry. After the first episode of Star Trek, Gene was like “Fuck this shit, my show is full of pussies.” And when he came home he looked into his neighbor’s window and saw my baby self shooting my phaser rifle up my babysitter! And that’s how Gene got inspired to create Kirk, he was all like “Damn I wish I could put such a badass in my show as the Captain, but they got child labor laws and shit.” So Gene went out and found William Shatner because he is the closest lookalike to me and The Original Series was born. Don’t believe me? Check out my blue bitch.

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Continuing my tradition to watch all Star Trek series (in reverse chronological order) I just finished Deep Space 9 from start to finish. Aside from it being Babylon 5 in the Star Trek universe, tarnished with an overly-dramatic lead actor, and having every damn episode be some parallel to a historical event from Earth’s history, it wasn’t that bad of a show. I think all the actors fit the role perfectly except Avery Brooks as Benjamin Sisko. He would have made an awesome Sisko if he wasn’t so overly theatrical in his actions and dialogue. Every time he was on screen it was as if he was at a stage rehearsal. The way he emphasized words, the way he lifted his hand by his face and clasped three fingers together as if to emphasize a point (sort of like an upside down “mama mia” gesture)…it was all so fake. It was the most unnatural piece of acting I’ve ever seen. I have nothing against the guy, but his performance in the role was equivalent to the performance of a high school theater student.

Anyway, I think the following clip sums up the entire show. It is of Gul Dukat (who by the way was probably the best character and best performed character in the whole show. Marc Alaimo was absolutely phenomenal) doing a rant from the season 6 episode “Waltz.” Can you guess which famous historical character he is portraying?

At the very least I can say that I grew to love all characters in the show. The crew did a good job developing them (with the exception of Bashir. Midway through the series they go, “Oh, guess what, you’re genetically enhanced”) but Alexander Siddig did a good job staying true to the character all the way through. Special kudos to Armin Shimmerman for redefining the entire Ferengi race and society with his performance as Quark. Aside from that, it was a warm and fuzzy show that was loosely hashed together but set forth the future of the Trek universe with the whole Dominion/Cardassian war.