After one year of trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me and another year of postponing the surgery needed to fix what I found out was wrong with me, I’m finally going under the knife on Wednesday October 29th. It’s nothing serious (although I did have to sign a waiver saying that I was aware that there is a possibility of death with this surgery). If anything this surgery is just Karma paying me back.
When I was 13 I had broken my nose in Greece. Back then in the day, before the internet, when our TV in Greece consisted of 2 over the air channels in black and white (if we were lucky, we might get a third one through the static with no audio), when kids played outside and used their imagination, it was popular for guys to initiate their transgression from child to teenager with an all out rock throwing war. Now don’t get me wrong, we weren’t some fucked up cannibals that whipped rocks at each other for laughs. It was more or less innocent. We would split into two teams, make a fort behind a rickety old wall or broken down house, and throw rocks at each other. We would hide under some wooden planks or any other obstacle we found and get a mini adrenaline rush when a rock would crash on our shelter on top of us. And we’d throw rocks back at the other side. A sure way to make someone proud of their first-grown scrotum-hair was if they got hit in the arm or leg with a rock. We’d suck in the pain and tough it out. We were becoming men. We still were stupid as hell.
Needless to say, I got hit in the nose with a rock during one of these battles. Instead of telling my parents and going to the hospital, I ran home, spent an hour and a half in the bathroom splashing cold water on my face and using 3 rolls of toilet paper, just to stop the bleeding. God knows the shit I put on the wound that I found in the medicine cabinet: disinfectant, iodine, cotton swabs, even band aids. Well, the bleeding finally stopped, thanks to all the cotton and toilet residue plugging it up. I didn’t know my nose was broken. So I never went to the hospital. And good thing I didn’t, cause my mom would have kicked my ass even more the following day if she had to take me to the hospital (Greek moms, you won’t understand them unless you’re a Greek. But it’s normal. Trust me.)
My nose healed and that was that. Until 2 years ago when I started having a runny nose every morning. Every single day I’d wake up congested with a runny nose and sneezing every so often until around noon. At first I thought it was a cold. But colds don’t last 6 months. I figured it might be allergies. I went to the doctor and he gave me the usual Nasonex and some pills. They didn’t work. I ended up getting used to the congestedness so ignored it. Then I had my first run in with sinusitis. After being rushed to the ER, they told me that it was just an infection and it would go away in a few days. It did. But I had a run in with it again during that summer. You don’t get sinusitis in the summer. I went to a different doctor. He took x-rays and saw my crooked nose (it doesn’t look crooked when you look at my face). He told me that the sinusitis was a result of a deviated septum from a broken nose. 1+1=2. I needed to get surgery to fix it.
So here I am 10 years later paying the price for a stupid fucking teenager initiation stunt. They call it “nasal reconstruction surgery” but in layman’s terms it’s a nose job. I’ve been on a pre-surgery diet this past two weeks and I haven’t shaved in a week and a half. I hate having facial hair for more than 3 days. But I had to get the itchy phase out of the way before surgery. Once I the surgery is done, I’ll be KTFO (knocked the fuck out) for a few weeks with a bruised and swollen face, plus a nose cast. For two to four weeks after surgery I won’t be able to do much, and that includes no sexual activity of any sort. Orgasms give your nose a blood rush. A month without sex? I should join a monastery…..
The healing process takes 6 months. For at least month I’m gonna be MIA. I’m not looking forward to it. I will be continuing to post here. I’ll have plenty of newfound time on my hands, so I’ll probably be posting some stories from my crazy life in general (I attract weirdos and am witness to plenty situations filled with hilarity…just the other day I saw a midget mobster, but I’ll save that for another post!).
So wish me luck. Not only on the surgery, but also on the GMAT which I’m taking the day before it!
