A disturbance traveled through the gaming community the last few days regarding the game Mass Effect. Fox News decided to do a report on the game’s incorporation of “graphic nudity” and a sex scene, and how it was being marketed towards children. Featured in the report were Fox’s hand pick “expert psychologist” Cooper Lawrence and Spike TV’s game guru Geoff Keighley. Cooper, without even having played the game attacked Mass Effect and how negative and damaging it is on today’s youth. You can see the clip of the report below.

The scene in Mass Effect shows only a butt and a quarter of a side angle of an exposed blue breast. Furthermore, you cannot access this scene without role playing through a whole storyline and making a character fall in love with you. You aren’t forced into experiencing the sex scene and you can certainly play the game without even exposing that scene. As a voice of truth and reason, Fried Yoda feels obliged to lend a hand in resolving this issue for the gaming community. In short, I will take one for the team. In length, I offer to help Cooper Lawrence in getting a better feel of the Mass Effect sex scene by sleeping with me.

Yes Cooper Lawrence, if you are reading this I hereby offer myself to you so you can get a better psychological grip on the entire Mass Effect game via my personal “mass effect” on your body. I am taking one for the team. We will re-create the scene in my bedroom or a cheap hotel room (preferably in the cheap hotel room since my parents won’t be going out of town for another month). Since we are both into experimentation, I think the best way to get the full effect of my mass effect is to recreate the characters as well. Unfortunately, your velvety white skin will be an anomaly in our experiment, but fear not, that is what body paint is for! We will recreate the scene in great detail, from the soft kisses I will give you, to the way my tongue will run down your 37 year old MILF body, to the hardcore doggy style sex romp we will partake in after. Also needed for the recreation is a camera man. I think the portly gentlemen on the left side of the picture above will do. He seems like the kind of man who is into making home videos.

This will help you understand firsthand any psychological impact this might have on today’s youth, or perhaps on yourself. I am a sensual and safe person.We won’t do anything without proper protection. That is what the gentlemen on the right side of the picture is for. He will stand by the doorway with that same intimidating look on his face to make sure that nothing disrupts our experimentation and throws off our results. Oh, and what better way to kill two birds with one stone than to study teen pregnancy as well? You may be 37, but pregnancy is pregnancy, regardless what age. I look forward into massively effecting the depths of your vaginal chamber. I await your email.