Recently I was able to conduct an interview with a friend of mine from Star Wars Galaxies. His gaming alias is SaberMaster and he has kindly allowed me to share this interview on my blog. This is another case among the many where MMO addiction comes into play, and line between game and reality fades. There’s no psychological study here. It’s me one on one with a fellow gamer, who has taken the courage to reveal one of his deepest secrets to the world, and what he went through.

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Me: The date is February 14, 2007 and I am about to interview a friend from the MMORPG Star Wars Galaxies. SaberMaster had told me his story in game about two years ago, and today he is going to share his story to others, and also give me an update on his current status. SaberMaster, thank you so much for taking the time to do this interview.

SaberMaster: No problem Stav.

Me: First off, tell me about yourself. Who are you?

SB: I’m a 22 year old college student living in Ohio. I’m a Star Wars fan, a gamer, and am currently working at a bank. I grew up in suburbia outside Cleveland with my mom, dad, and sister and attended Ohio State University. Typical white boy life

Me: All right, when did you start playing Star Wars Galaxies?

SB: In September of 2003.

Me: How did you find out about it?

SB: I was in an online gaming clan. We played a variety of games, like Jedi Outcast, Enemy Territory, and Call of Duty. Someone made a post on our forums about Star Wars Galaxies, and said it was a pretty neat game. I decided to give it a spin.

Me: Was this your first time playing an MMORPG?

SB: Yeah, I didn’t know you had to pay a monthly fee until after I got the game. I thought it was going to be a cool takeover the galaxy sort of shooter. For the first few days I kept forgetting that I couldn’t save the game.

Me: What server did you play on?

SB: Flurry.

Me: Tell me about your first week in SWG.

SB: I guess the best way to describe it is “overwhelming.” I bought Galaxies without knowing a thing about it. I bought it purely on my clan mate’s assurance that it was a good game. I had no idea what an MMO was up to that point. As the game installed and downloaded the updates, I read the user manual and the quick start guide from cover to cover. It was a lot of info, but I still didn’t really understand what kind of game it was. It wasn’t until day two, when my buddy had finally showed me around and I had gotten the hang of the game where I realized that this was something I had never experienced before. It was really fun, and the possibilities seemed endless. I’d find myself thinking about the game during class, getting butterflies in my stomach whenever I got closer to my dorm. The first week was like the first week after you lose your virginity!

Me: Lol, ok, so this was all at Ohio State University, right?

SB: Yup, during the Fall semester of ‘03.

Me: You must have been a good student to be at OSU.

SB: I’m not a genius or anything, but I kept my grades up.

Me: That changed after you discovered Star Wars Galaxies?

SB: Yeah, unfortunately. I began to play more and more hours each day. My studying and homework I’d put aside until late night. I’d go to class, and scramble back home to log on to SWG. I wanted more. I enjoyed the game so much, I just couldn’t control my desire to keep playing it. I knew that I had to study, but I just wanted to do one more Krayt hunt, or craft one more rifle. Plus I had gotten a high position in my guild, so people counted on me to organize events and hunts. I was a leader, I had responsibilities, people relied on me. My routine was simple. Wake up at 7am, play SWG until about 10:30, go to classes, come back around 3:30pm, play until midnight, cram for an hour or two, and go to bed. That was my schedule on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays.

Me: What about the rest of the week?

SB: It was Galaxies from server up till server down.

Me: Did you ever take breaks?

SB: Initially, yes. But the more time I played in game, the less I unglued myself from the monitor. I eventually stopped going to classes. The first time was, “OK, its just one class.” Then it became “It’s just one week.” Then it became, “I can’t go back to class, what will everything think of me ditching for two weeks?” Basic necessities were down to a minimum. It became really bad.

Me: How bad?

SB: I cut myself off from the outside world completely. Food was down to a minimum…whatever existed in my dorm. If I ran out, then I wouldn’t eat until my parents came. They’d come once every two weeks to visit. I usually had enough food to last me until a day or two before they came, but I would eat sparingly. I began to live a disgusting life. I’d be glued to SWG because I was addicted. I’d shower once a week because taking a shower took up precious game time. The bathroom was located across the hall. I wouldn’t use it. I would drink bottled water, since I had plenty of cases. Whenever I’d need to pee, I’d pee in those bottles. If I needed to go number two, then I’d sneak across the hall into the bathroom. My lights were always off. During the day I’d open the blinds halfway to light up the room, and at night the glow of the monitor would let me see. If anyone knocked on my door I’d turn off my speakers, stop breathing, and not move. They’d go away. I had sunk to an all time low.

Me: You can’t be serious.

SB: I’m not lying. I lost twenty pounds that year.

Me: Go on.

SB: My parents would always come on the same day every two weeks, around the same time. The nights before they came was the only time I stopped playing SWG for more than 30 minutes. It was around midnight that night that I’d make a major effort to make myself look civilized. I’d take a shower, take out the trash (there were at least two or three bags), and do the laundry. I’d open my windows all the way to air out the room, even if it was freezing outside. It smelled pretty weird. It was body odor, mixed with cologne and popcorn. Not the most pleasant of smells, but after a few minutes you don’t notice it. I’d clean my room, organize everything, vacuum and tidy up. All the water bottles filled with my urine I’d put in plastic bags and throw out. I’d be done by 6am and sleep until 11am, when my parents would arrive.

Me: What happened when finals came around?

SB: I crammed the night before. I got minimal sleep. I went to the final, took it, failed it, and went back and played SWG. I knew what I was doing was wrong. During finals week when I went to sleep I’d toss and turn in my bed, panicking about my grades. There were a few times where I actually cried and hated myself for what I was doing. But my vows to quit SWG were quelled by the voice inside me saying “it’s too late.” The next morning I’d be online at server up again.

Me: I can’t say “I understand” because there’s no way me or almost anyone can relate to what you went through. Did going away for Winter Break help?

SB: I came back home for Winter Break. It was a little over a month we had off. My family was totally in the dark about what was going on. I had a pretty good poker face, so I hid all my fears, worries, and emotions. I told them I had done well in school.

Me: So you lied to your parents.

SB: What was I supposed to say? How can you possibly explain to your own parents what was going on? And it didn’t stop there. They knew grades would come online. I convinced myself that I could pick up my grades the following semester, and since they came online, I could cover it up. So I finally got my grades online. All F’s except one C. My GPA plummeted. I saved the web page and did a bit of editing in Dreamweaver. I changed the grades to a variety of A’s and B’s, loosely calculated my GPA, and printed it out. I gave my parents a transcript with fake grades. It was indistinguishable from the original. My parents were elated and my dad made a copy to show his colleagues at work. In the meantime, I got a job to keep me out of trouble and out of sight. I didn’t bring my SWG CDs back home with me. I thought I had the will power to put an end to it if I was away from that game for long enough. So for a little over a month I was Galaxies-free…a new man. I went back to OSU to start me next semester, and was ready to reverse my grades from last semester.

Me: You went back to SWG instead?

SB: No. Well, not yet, at least. Two days before classes started I got a phone call from my mother. She was crying. They had gotten a letter from the university saying I was put on academic probation due to my grades, and they had sent a transcript home. The rest of that conversation was a blur. It involved me being silent, feeling sick and light headed. My parents were devastated. The next day my dad drove over to have a talk with me. He was a mess. So was I. I didn’t tell him what was going on. He assumed it was me partying. I told him I had made a huge mistake and I promised that I would work my hardest to get my grades back up. After he left I spent the rest of the day feeling like someone had stabbed me in the stomach. I felt like a loser, like I was the world’s biggest embarrassment.

Me: What happened the next day?

SB: I went to classes. I also registered for this mandatory “counseling” class where there were others who were in the same situation as me…academic probation. It involved study methods, time management, etc. Except none of them were there because they played a computer game for 18 hours a day. I was determined to reverse what I had done. I wanted to do well in school. And for the first two weeks that is exactly what I did. And then one day I got an email from a guild mate telling me that everyone missed me in Galaxies, and that they hoped I was OK.

Me: That is when you went back.

SB: Yeah. I initially didn’t want to, but then I sort of made a deal with myself. I would only play a few hours a day, no more. I’d limit my time, and I could do it. I wanted to do well in school. But that didn’t last. Within a week I was back to my old “sewer rat” routine. I was sucked in. Galaxies consumed me. There just was no end to the game. There was so much more to be done, so many more professions, so many more planets. The fact that the game was constantly updated with patches didn’t help. Adding new content just meant that the end of the game was even further away. And I could not stop until I reached the end. This time, I just stopped caring. I had already reached rock bottom with the last semester, there was no turning back. That semester went by, and I went back home as a failure. OSU sent me a letter saying they were kicking me out for a year, and after a year I could go back only if I petitioned with the board and made a public statement in front of them. My parents would never let me go back. I was a failure and a disappointment. My mother pretty much disowned me, and my father became depressed. Whenever a family or familiar face looked at me, I had this paranoia that they were laughing at me on the inside. I didn’t go to any family functions, or any functions that I’d be recognized at. I managed to get in at my community college and I worked. It was at that point that I finally managed to reduce my Galaxies playing time to a few hours a week. By mid-2005, I was done with it. One year of Galaxies ended up ruining my life for two more years. I was paranoid, depressed, and suicidal. I had nothing to live for, the secret that I failed out of college was out. My pride was crushed.

Me: Thank God those urges didn’t take over your actions, like Galaxies did.

SB: Yeah, time heals. It wasn’t until I got accepted into a local college that I began to see hope again. That was the turning point for me, it was me second chance, so to speak. So here I am, a year away from a degree. I have made new friends, I go out more often, and I’ve been MMO free since. I’m still a gamer, but I only play games that have a definite ending to them.

Me: And I’m glad you got your second chance. Although I noticed you didn’t mention in your story when you and I first met :p

SB: Cause it wasn’t a life-changing experience

Me: Lol, anyway, I really appreciate you taking the time to tell your story and letting me post it on my blog. It’s quite an unbelievable story. Who knows, it might even draw criticism, but in the end, only you will be able to know and understand what you went through.

SB: I just hope nobody else has to go through that.

Me: I’m sure others have, and I’m sure you’re not alone. Is there any advice you would like to give to anyone who ventures into the world of MMOs?

SB: Admit your addiction when you start to notice it. The hardest thing to do is to admit you’re addicted to the game, and admit that you need to stop and perhaps seek help. I refused to do either and it was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I don’t think age plays a role here, I think anyone can face the problems I did. Willpower is the key: don’t let yourself go too deep in the rabbit hole, no matter how tempting it is. The decision is solely yours, unless others know what you are doing. Have the courage to step away and unplug and save yourself from any bad decisions you will make. That’s the only advice I can give.

Me: All right, that about wraps it up. Thanks again for everything.

SB: No problem, glad to spread the word.

And this time it’s for good. I’ve left World of Warcraft twice before, but never was it for good. Those other times I simply needed a break or just was lured in by another game for the time being. Now the time has come where I must lay WoW to rest, not because I don’t like it, but because I’m burned out. Over the last four years I’ve done a fairly large chunk of grinding: Star Wars Galaxies, World of Warcraft, Everquest 2 (twice), Guild Wars, Anarchy Online and the Dungeons and Dragons Online and Lord of the Rings Online betas. The bottom line was that it was all the same grind, just in a different environment, and I simply can not do that any more. In a recent interview with RealMMO, Raph Koster said:

I think WoW sets us back only in specific ways. I think it moves us forward in other specific ways. Blizzard, as usual, nailed polish, nailed guiding the player, nailed a look and feel. They took the old formula and put it in really snazzy bottles. That’s what they do best, and they are very very good at it – the best in the industry.

But they also didn’t pick up the ball and run with a lot of stuff that are growing trends in the MMO industry today – and what’s more, given their expertise, they probably never will. We’re seeing a lot of interest in stuff like user-created content, in-world economies in games like Eve Online, and so on, and we don’t see anything that sophisticated in WoW. WoW is very much a “theme park” sort of world, one which is about putting you on a ride and letting you experience it. There’s a lot of directions that online worlds are starting to grow in, and I think that in a lot of ways WoW is like the apotheosis of the old, rather than pointing a way to the new.

This pretty much summed up how I ended up feeling about WoW, even with the Burning Crusade. However, the one “old formula” that kept being put in “snazzy new bottles” for each game was the grind. The grind was identical, and by the time I played my fourth MMO, it was becoming more of a hassle. Instead of noticing how awesome a game was, I was distracted by the fact that I had to kill another 70,000 minions before having the chance to explore the game’s full potential. Furthermore, this was 70,000 minions in addition to those 70,000 I had already killed in each subsequent MMO I had played. I simply cannot do that any more. I’m burned out. I’m back in a gaming slump and I’m on the search for a new MMO that offers potential, not grinding. Maybe Age of Conan or Star Trek Online will save the day. But those are a good six months to a year away…

Of course, there will be a personal bias to this entry since I was born and raised in the magnificent city of Chicago, but that doesn’t make my thoughts any less credible. Chicago has been a relatively low buzzed city when it comes to the gaming industry. Unlike San Diego or Austin, which seem to have new game companies or sub-divisions popping up on a monthly basis, Chicago has a very small core of game companies. Leading the pack is Midway Games (Mortal Kombat, NFL Blitz, Unreal Tournament), whose corporate headquarters are in Chicago. EA comes next with its EA Chicago Branch, and then comes Incredible Technologies (the creator of one of the most popular games in American bars, Golden Tee Golf). Of course, there are other companies based out of Chicago, but they are much smaller in scale and industry impact. These companies include Wideload Games (Stubbs the Zombie), Day 1 Studios (F.E.A.R., MechAssault), High-Voltage Software (NBA Inside Drive, Hunter), Raw Thrills (Big Buck Hunter Pro), and Play Mechanix (Big Buck Hunter).

Chicago has the recipe to become a big bang in the future of gaming. It has some amazing talent not only in the developers, but in its gaming community as well. The problem that the Chicago gaming industry has is exposure. There’s a reason why major gaming trade shows happen in places like California or Texas. So here’s three ways in which the Chicago gaming industry can be transformed into something big.

1. An MMO Hub – The missing link to the Chicago gaming industry is an MMORPG company that bases its game out of Chicago. MMO players are weird, weirder than other online gamers who frag away at games like Battlefield 2. If they immerse themselves into an MMO and end up loving it, they then want to immerse themselves into the company that made the MMO. They want to learn about the company, want to be a voice in its community, and even find a way to help out or participate in making the game better. Take BlizzCon, or SOE’s Fanfests for example. They not only publicize the parent company’s location, but they also bring fans to that location. If Chicago had an MMO powerhouse within its borders, the gaming market in this city will start to incline.
2. DePaul University’s CTI – This may be a shameless plug at the school I attend, but as of last year DePaul University was the only major accredited university in the nation to have an undergraduate program for Game Development. The program is part of DePaul’s School of Computer Science, Telecommunications and Information Systems (CTI) and covers a broad range of key development skills such as writing screenplays, programming, and storyboarding. Most other universities in the nation that have programs for game development offer them only at the graduate level. There is also a club called DeFRAG (Depaul’s Fundamental Research for Academic Gaming) which allows any student to participate in making, testing, and analyzing games as well as participating in game-related events such as GDC or inviting well-respected individuals from the industry to deliver speeches. Furthermore, DePaul also serves as one of the nation’s best business schools, with it’s Entrepreneur program ranked as one of the top three in the nation. What does this mean? It means that Chicago has immediate access to a slew of amazing talent headed towards the gaming industry. Whether it is in Game Development or Marketing, Chicago’s gaming industry can, in theory, self sustain itself with the bright and determined gamers that come out of DePaul’s programs. Furthermore, they offer those students the best incentive of all: it’s close to home.
3. Chicago Game Forum – Lastly, Chicago is in need of a Chicago Game Forum. No, not a forum you access online so you can post spam and troll hot-topic threads. Although there are plenty of summits and conferences, including Chicago-centric ones for the gaming industry, we need one that will be dedicated to developers and students. Let all the “this is what cool new stuff we’re coming out with” presentations be part of the E3 Expo. Let the analysis’s and future projections be part of GDC. What I’m proposing is a meeting with representatives from the Chicago-area gaming companies and students from the Chicagoland area who are willing to participate in sharing ideas to help improve gaming and pave the way for gaming in the future. An event like this once a year will allow the experts and the learners debate and throw ideas back and forth. Think of it as a large brainstorming committee. I’m not saying that each company should reveal industry secrets, but perhaps share ideas and listen to each other and to the players to help craft an industry that is on the dawn of a new era. Instead of developers doing things they think gamers will like, why not sit down with the gamers themselves to get a general direction of what the community wants, as well as to expose any flaws or failures in the current state of the industry. This will be a great way to help the Chicago gaming industry excel quicker than its counterparts, allow for students aspiring to get into the industry to get a feel of what it is like, and give rise to innovative ideas and critiques that will balance out the goods and the bads coming out of the games the local companies develop.

I’m more than willing to begin taking steps to turning those three points into reality. The question I should be asking is, is anyone else willing to do the same?

When they laughed at me he stood by me. When they ignored me he shook my hand. When they badmouthed me he would always say please and thank you to me. The last time I saw him was at a funeral. And now I will be attending his. My stomach is in a ball right now as I try to hold back tears. I feel empty, and this is how the world will feel without you John. You took your life away today, February 5, 2007, but you will live on forever in our memories. May you rest in peace, and may God have graced with with a special place in His Kingdom.

Every gamer who has been playing one or more games for at least a year or two has had a gaming slump. You know, a time period where you’re finally burned out with the game you love and it seems that conveniently at that time no other good games are out. Boredom takes over your life in front of the monitor. You boot up your game only to find yourself mindlessly doing nothing or closing the program within five minutes. In other words, you’ve hit an all time low in your gaming career. Or did you?

I think gaming slumps are the best thing that could happen to a gamer. What’s the first thing you do after entering the slump? You try to look for a new game to compensate for the degree of fun you had with the original game. The results are that 90% of the games you end up trying will fail to capture your interest for more than a day or two. This is because you’re still longing for that original game you played. There’s that nostalgia that lingers about “them good old days.” So as you go through the list of currently popular games (mostly games you’ve heard about via word of mouth or via recommendations) you label them one by one as “sucks.”

Then something odd happens. You stumble across a random site one day and it is about a game you’ve never heard of before. None of your friends have heard of it either. One or two have, but they don’t know what it’s about. The propaganda about the game is convincing enough that you should give it a spin. Why not, you have nothing to lose, right?

Then something magnificent happens. You install the game. You start playing it. Then it hits you. That is by far one of the most amazing games you’ve ever played. How can people not know about this game, it’s so damn awesome! Upon finishing it you are left feining for more. You Google the game title, search for any additional info on it: Is there a sequel? What about a prequel? Is there another one in the works? And as you dig through that info you stumble upon an interesting fact: that game is a cult classic with a small following. It was nominated for numerous awards, and even won a few. But aside from the small group of people who played it and fell in love with it, its title and achievements remain unknown to the rest of the gaming world.

That’s the beauty of gaming slumps. We feel that all hope is lost, that all games out there suck, that we’re overcome by boredom and force ourselves in front of the screen hoping that our dwindling desire to play that original game will come back. However, accidentally and coincidentally the gaming slump leads us to discover the hidden gems of the gaming industry. We discover games we never knew existed, games that never achieved much popularity but have made their mark on the community and captured the hearts of so many gamers. It is games like Dreamfall, Grim Fandango, Perfect Dark, Road Rash, Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight, and Armada 2 that we discover and realize that although they are not new, they slipped under the radar of the gaming community almost undiscovered, but gave players some of the best adventures of their lives. We all find a different gem in our slumps. It may not even be a game that is all that great, but as long as it gives us a lasting impression and influences who we are and what we play, it will help us get out of our slump and realize how much more potential and charisma games are capable of.

I just figured out why a handful of players in World of Warcraft are power grinding their Blood Elves twelve hours a day. It isn’t because they want to get to level 70 ASAP (well, yes it is, but there’s a bigger reason). It’s so they can get as far away from Barrens Chat 2.0 as possible. They’re trying to stay ahead of the tidal wave and hope that it will die off by the time it gets to level 30.

If you don’t believe in evolution, then start believing. Barrens Chat was on the brink of extinction. It was a thing of the past, relived only on the launch of new servers. But now Barrens Chat has evolved into something bigger and more annoying. It has learned how to move and adapt to different environments. Barrens Chat has become a mobile entity for the Horde. Welcome to Barrens Chat 2.0.

As soon as The Burning Crusade was launched, Eversong Woods (the Blood Elf starting zone) Barrens Chat was revived. As it struggled to survive the frequent server crashes from the overloaded zone, something curious happened. Barrens Chat began to move. Within a week 2.0 had relocated to Ghostlands. A week after that it found itself back in it’s birthplace: The Barrens.

By the time I hit level 20, my ignore list had more people than I could count on all my fingers, I began to hate Chuck Norris jokes more than I thought I possible could, and the thought of even going back to Silvermoon City is inching me towards going postal. Luckily at level 25, I have possible ways out. I can either go grind in Stonetalon, Ashenvale, Thousand Needles, or Dustwallow Marsh. What are the odds that the 50 Blood Elves who are grinding in Barrens won’t come to the zone I go to? Furthermore, rumor has it that there is another 50 Blood Elves ready to leave the Ghostlands.

I beg you, fellow Horde players, help us put a stop to this monster we’ve created. Keep Barrens Chat 2.0 contained to nothing further than The Barrens. Don’t let it spread to the rest of Kalimdor. And lastly, if you’re not planning on taking your Blood Elf to level 70 then quit playing it and go back to your main!