My New Logo

Ok, ummm, not much going on. I talked to Shauna last night on the phone for about an hour. She wants to join this wannabe gang where she lives, but the only way she can get in if she gets beaten or raped. Pardon me, but i’m gonna go on a rant right now about this. She lives in the middle of nowhere in Indiana, and her school is all white kids that either are rich hicks or poor hicks. The dumbasses there have created gangs with names like “Crips,” “Viceroys,” and “Blood.” (1) The Crips only exist in L.A. and their one of Californias biggest and most notorious gangs, so once they find out some white hicks created a wannabe gang under their name, you’re gonna hear about some mass murder on your national news at 6. (2) The Viceroys exist only in small factions right now, and they don’t even kill people any more. (3) Blood is an East Cost gang that also has a hub in Chicago, and their all black, so don’t get mad if all of a sudden a bunch of black people invade Indiana and go after these wannabes while yelling “Kill the white man!”

How do i know about all this? Well, i’m really into gangs and mafia, so i read and learn a lot. As a matter of fact, i just checked a book out of the library entitled “The Outfit: The Role of Chicago’s Underworld in the Shaping of Modern America.” And if you still think i’m just an idiot, here’s more. My whole Junior Theme (Pre-College Thesis Paper) last year was on Al Capone and Organized Crime. Here’s a little known fact that makes me proud, being Greek and all: one of Al Capone’s best friends and right hand men was a Greek guy named Nick the Greek. Capone cried when Nick was murdered.

OK, back to the real world, i hate my PreCalc teacher. She teaches all the material in class, and gives us easy homework. But her tests end up having problems that are so hard that you fear that you will burst a blood vessel in your brain when you attempt it. My last test was a 77. That’s not too bad, considering i haven’t gotten a test score above a 79 this whole quarter. Thank god the final exam is made by the department, and not by her.

On the Greek side of things, Giorgos Dalaras is coming to Chicago. Frankly, i couldn’t give a crap about him. I saw him once, he sucked. It’s time for him to retire, cause he has been around since the years that my mom was a kid. Well, every monday night is Greek Night at our place, so if you’re in Chicago, just stop by Gatsby’s in Arlington Heights after 9PM. we close off the garden bar, have a greek DJ, and make it like a mini Greek club. It gets packed with Greeks every time.

ok, i haven’t posted at all this weekend. Don’t ask me whi. i’m a lazy bumb who spends too much time at GreekTown or online. nothing happened tis weekend. My cousin had her birthday. I still feel like shit. Finals are in a week. My last finals in high school ever, cause my school doesn’t give second semester finals to seiniors. Anyway, Macbeth is the gayest book i’ve ever read, and i hate Shakespeare. But lo and behold, my teacher tols us that our English final will have a huge portion on Macbeth, but it will also include Oedipus Cycle. Anyway, goodbye. i’m gonna go shoot myself in the head now.

Ok sorry, xanga gave me a free trial for it’s premium service, so i’m testing how to add pics so i can continue doing so when my trial ends. I suck at HTML, btw.

OK, this entry is gonna be completely in Greek, so if you don’t speak Greek or a too dumb to understand Greek writting with english letters, then don’t bother reading any further.

Kyries kai kyrioi, gia sas. Me lene Stavro kai meno sto Chicago. Eimai 17 hronon kai eimai 100% Ellinas. Ohi, den eimai san aftous tous malakes Ellines pou lene oti einai Ellines alla den milane Ellinika kai grafoun olla ta alla Ellinika sta arhidia tous. An den xereis gia poious milao, einai aftoi pou lene, “I’m Greek. My mom know how to make baklava. I go to that Greek church down the street. What? well, i don’t care that they don’t speak Greek and have catholic views, cause i don’t understand Greek.” Vromo katsikia.

Pao Ellada kathe kalokairi. O pateras mou einai apo tin Tripoli kai i mana mou apo tiun Pylo (Kalamata, ama den xereis pou einai i Pylos). Ehoume spiti sti Methoni, pou einai peripou 11 hiliometra apo tin Pylo. Eina gamato, giati perpatao sti thalassa apo to spiti. To kainourgio “Travel Plan” tora pou pao Ellada einai oti pao prota sta nisia me tous filous kai files mou (Santorini, Mykonos, Hios, etc). Ama eisai neos i nea, kai den eheis paei sta nisia, haneis.

Mou aresei i Elliniki mousiki. Tora pou to thymithika, o Giorgos Dalaras erhete sto Chicago tora se ena mina. Den xero ama tha pao. Den mou aresei o Dalaras.

I nyhterini zoi mou einai sto Greek Town. Ekei einai ola ta ellinika magazia: estiatoria (Athena, Mr. Greek’s Gyros, etc), clubs (Byzantium, Muses), bouzoukia (Varelladiko), kai alla magazia (GreekTown Music, etc).

Poli egrapsa. Sas afino giati tha koimithoute me tis vlakies pou grafo. Steilte kanena e-mail re paidia. Steile gia opio logo thes (an me goustaris, an nomozeis oti eima malakas, an nomozeis oti eimai gay, etc). Filakia. Ciao.

OK, i forgot to mention this before, but many people aren’t smart enough or don’t know me to know where my pic is from and why it seems like i’m chopped in half. you can always view the full pic at http://profiles.yahoo.com/antonis_remmos. If you want more pics, there’s a link on that site that says “View My Briefcase,” so you can always look in there. Some retard told me i got my pic out of a magazine, but that’s not true. Ok, now i’m gonna start a new post in Greek, cause i haven’t done one of those yet

God damn, it’s Friday. Last night i went to sleep at 7:00PM. I woke up my regular time at 6:00AM and i was still tierd. I’m in advisery again, and just finished my frapé. Anyway Martin e-mailed me this funny website, http://www.its.caltech.edu/~yel/english.htm. Wait for the whole thing to load, it’ll take a while cause it’s big. So go watch TV or something and come back later. And be sure to have sound on. It’s pointless to watch it without sound. Oh yeah, here’s another funny site: http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com.

How To Be Retarded

Everyone wants to grow up and become a successful person in life. However, not everyone can have success. There are factors that contribute to success, but being retarded is definitely not one of them. Most people think that if you are retarded, you probably won’t ever make much of yourself. Well they might be right if you consider someone who spends all his time gnawing on couch cushions and humping plastic rocks to be unsuccessful. But that’s where you’re wrong mister. Dead wrong.

Look at the sorry state that you’re in now. Even the dad from Growing Pains doesn’t respect you. This is the same guy who would touch and hug Kirk Cameron on a regular basis and enjoy doing so. That’s right and you suck that bad. I hope somebody feels sorry for you because I sure don’t. I mean seriously, what the hell is your deal these days?

YOU’RE LAZY: You my friend, are lazy. Note the bold topic-faced text. You’re lazier than a WHY poster in the month of December. If someone were to ask you to walk to the other side of the room, because the side of the room you were on was on fire, you would not get off your fat, Doritos eating ass unless somehow the flames melted your chair, which would result in you falling out of said chair and rolling to the other side of the room where there was no fire. That would be possible, of course, only if the room were built on unstable foundation and had a slight tilt to it. If independent contractors had built the room and not those lazy union slobs, well let me tell you something, I wouldn’t be here today. And neither would you because the room wouldn’t have a slanted foundation, and you’d be all burnt up and stuff. Probably dead too, I don’t know. It’s none of my business.

YOU’RE GETTING FAT: Yeah, I know last week I told you that those jeans didn’t make your ass look fat, but that was because I knew what kind of a bitch you are, and what you’d do in the middle of the department store if I had told you how I really feel. However, I haven’t been laid in months; so all bets are off now, the sister. Not only do those jeans make you look fat, but also so does every other piece of clothing that you own. You know those cute sequence hoochie momma shirts you wear when you go out clubbing? That doesn’t look good! Spandex pants + tube top + you = Steve tearing his eyes from their sockets, throwing them on the ground, and setting them on fire then praying to God that through the miracle of technology self-inflicted blindness is never ever cured. Especially if it means seeing the topographically mountainous landscape that is your midsection again. The nation’s butter industry couldn’t produce enough spread in an entire year to cover those rolls.

I DON’T LIKE YOUR FRIENDS: Did you ever think that maybe I didn’t like it when you bring over the girls and bitch about random shit every night? Here I am trying to watch Monday Night Football and I can’t even hear Dennis Miller tie in a comparison to an obscure reference from The Scarlet Letter to Brian Griese’s shitty passing game. And this is all because your friend Doreen won’t shut the fuck up about how her husband Bob is a total failure at home at work an in bed. Like we didn’t know that already? Jesus Christ, would you hens shut the fuck up already? You should be making me a sandwich, not be bitching about how Marty and Rebecca down the street just bought a new gazebo and I’m too lazy to install and damn bird bath!

You suck. Okay so what was I talking about again? No and don’t remind me, I’ll remember it on my own thank you very much. And no, I am not taking my pills because they give me gas and I think Dr. Wells is crooked and I don’t even need pills for my back anymore. What the hell are you talking about? I fell off the roof a year ago! I’m fine now. Oh yeah? Well none of this would have happened if you didn’t make me go out and fix the satellite dish because you weren’t getting A good reception on HGTV. You know I’m right.

Ah yes, the retards. So you want to be a retard eh? Well and it does have its perks. There’s nothing really wrong with being a retard. Other people will take care of you while you sit around the house and watch Cartoon Network all day. You can even pull out your penis in public without worrying about being reprimanded. If you’re willing to give up on ever getting laid, and you don’t care to make any kind of difference in this world; becoming a retard is a pretty damn good idea, really.

Step 1: Becoming Retarded

Some people get lucky and are born retarded. Chances are if you can read this, you aren’t one of those people. However, if you are retarded and you are reading this: I am sorry. I’m an inconsiderate asshole. Please don’t show your parents this website. Thank you. Okay, with that aside, anyone who wants to become a retard needs to have a little ingenuity and some valor to match. You can’t fake retardations like Downs Syndrome or Cerebral Palsy very well, so you’re going to have to go for the “Old Fashioned Blow to the Head, Oops it Made Me Retarded!” Method. There are many ways in which you can end up retarded through a blow to the head. Shutting your head in a car door, falling down the stairs multiple times, or even hitting yourself in the face with a hammer. You’ll find the results of receiving A massive blow to the head surprisingly more rewarding each time you come up with a new and interesting way to damage your brain permanently.

Step 2: Clothes make the retard

Now that you’re good and retarded, its time to start looking retarded. Hopefully, through the massive quantity of self-inflicted blows to your skull, you’ll already have a nice distorted facial image and possible a slight drooling problem going on. If this is the case, then all you really need is the wardrobe. Try not to make the retarded apparel too obvious. One’s first retarded instinct would be to point out their retarded ness to a grand scale through wearing t-shirts that say, “God loves me because I’m just like everybody else” or “Special people live Special Lives.” Those are the kind of shirts only seasoned retards acquire through years of attending retard functions and cashing in on the free t-shirt rewards. If you’re a new retard on the block, you don’t want to be seen wearing last year’s Special Olympics attire after not being present at those games. But retards have to wear something, so I suggest possibly a running suit or other sporting clothes because everyone knows that retards are too stupid to figure out that they can’t play sports. And comedy lies within that fact.

Step 3: Slurred speech

Retards can’t talk right. If anyone is going to believe that you are retarded, then you’re going to have to totally lose any diction in your speech that was ever present. Hopefully if you completed step 1 properly, this won’t be a problem at all. Another way to slur your speech to a retarded drawl is to drink heavily. Not only will it slur your speech but also there’s much comedy to be had with a drunken retard around. It’s an age-old truth and the fact isn’t going anywhere: Retards + alcohol = drunken retard hilarity at its maximum velocity. Some other, less-funny ways to fuck your talking up: Put marbles in your mouth, remove all of your teeth except for like, 3 or 4, or even cut your tongue off. Get creative, folks. You’re not that retarded!

And that’s that: An easy 3-step plan to becoming completely and utterly retarded. Now let the good times roll!

Some other retarded tips:

Retards can’t comb their hair, and when they try to the fuck their hair up even worse than it was before. Take advantage of this to its full extent. Nothing’s funnier than a retarded hairstyle. You might want to consider trying to shave your own head with a razor and cutting your skull up in the process or doing a total hack job with a pocketknife and a pair of safety scissors.

The retarded walk: This should go without saying, but I should mention it anyway just in case. You know what I’m talking about here. Chances are if you don’t know how to fake a retarded walk, then you probably already have one. Good going!

Crazy hand motions are another obvious must. No retard on the planet should know what to do with their hands when they are walking, talking and eating sleeping or breathing for that matter. Your hands should be doing something awkward and well retarded at all times.

Congratulations and you’re a retard.

[Note: I’m a nice guy, the really. I don’t hate retards or anything; I’m just trying to be funny and failing miserably. Please note my lack of self-esteem and tendency to make horrible decisions when it comes to making fun of the less fortunate as a source of this article. Once again: I’m sorry.]

Well, I added Jacob’s blog to my list of Sites I Read, so go see it, along with Jess’s. On his shoutouts, he said he loved a bunch of guys. ha ha :-p Anyway, last night i was real tierd. i came online talked for a bit, Shaunna came online. I didn’t wanna go to basketball, but my friend called me and begged me to go. So i went. We won the game. Woo hoo! We’re back to a 500 team! 2-2! Anyway, i got back home from basketball around 9:30, dead fuckin tierd. But guess what, i had to take a shower cause if i went to bed all dirty and smelly, i’d be even dirtier and smellier when i woke up. So after i took a shower, i shaved my pubes and went to bed. Scratch that. that didn’t happen. No shaving of pubes. I was too tierd. I went to bed around 10. I woke up at 6. i feel like crap, i’m amazed that i didn’t fall asleep behind the wheel when i was driving to school. To top it all off, i had to walk from my car to school in freezing weather. That made me want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon. Well, school sucks right now. My adviser is talking some stuff about Leukemia and Jousting. Don’t ask me why, i don’t pay attention.

Well, here’s a preview of future posts: Rants, people i hate, white Indiana gangbangers, and how to make love to a MILF.

Ok, i just got off the phone with Shauna for the second time today. i’ll be talking to her again in 15 mins. SW1 is empty except for adam and wick fighting about some gun. Dolph_Kueller is there, which is odd. Tiff and marc are quiet though. jacob just came on. OK, change of room topic. it’s Counter Strike (CS). Damn, i haven’t played CS in over a year, since i last went to G-Zone. Anyway, i need to bust a nut, so i’ll be back later