The gaming industry was revolutionized today by Apple’s unveiling of it’s new product the iPad. Pretty much it is a giant iPod touch but don’t let that sway you! Hidden deep within its 9.5 inch display lies technology that will change the face of games forever! In an exclusive interview with Fried Yoda, Apple fanboi William “Steve Jobs” Gates IV said, “This thing will revolutionize the gaming industry, but we didn’t want to reveal all the details today.” As seen at today’s event, game execs and demos were fairly lackluster, but that was all part of the plan according to Jobs.

“There’s a big secret inside the iPad that not only will allow it to take action during the heaviest of flows but it will also literally expand how games are played in front of your very eyes!” Steve-o-rino proceeded to reveal this mind-blowing tech to us: Continue Reading »

Kaz Hirai wants to please the ladies. And when he pleases the ladies, he wants to make sure that the pleasing is done right! That’s why the upcoming PS3 controller, the “Vibe,” is being bumped from a Spring 2010 release date to a Fall 2010 release date.

“I want to personally make sure that our product will satisfy the current and potential female market out there. I will be overseeing and lending a helping hand and finger in all future testing of the Vibe controller,” Sony’s head honcho Kaz Hirai said.

The Vibe is said to feature multiple settings as well as a motion controller that executes commands based on hip movements. The pink bulbous head (Ed. note: sorry, it’s just too easy…) will be pressure sensitive as well. Sony claims that this will bridge the game between a men and women when it comes to gaming. So far, reception from females has been fairly positive with one woman saying, “it will now give me great pleasure to use my Playstation 3.”

My long range sensors indicate that there’s a lot of you faggots ruining my Star Trek Online gameplay experience. That’s right, all you little nerds running around asking stupid shit like “Where’s Sulu?” or “How do I access my bridge?” Let me tell you something, I’m a fucking Trek VETERAN, asshole! You want to be like Picard and shit? Man fuck that old dickhead twat! I fucking grew up with Spock and shit. I’m hardcore, bro! Kirk? I was the inspiration for Kirk! He wasn’t even in the original Star Trek! Which is why it sucked! So one day when I was a toddler my babysitter lived next to Gene Roddenberry. After the first episode of Star Trek, Gene was like “Fuck this shit, my show is full of pussies.” And when he came home he looked into his neighbor’s window and saw my baby self shooting my phaser rifle up my babysitter! And that’s how Gene got inspired to create Kirk, he was all like “Damn I wish I could put such a badass in my show as the Captain, but they got child labor laws and shit.” So Gene went out and found William Shatner because he is the closest lookalike to me and The Original Series was born. Don’t believe me? Check out my blue bitch.

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Shiiiiit, what dis Wildcat biznass dey be talkin ’bout? Mo’fuckas be straight up tripping. Wildcat offense? Fuck dat shit! I ain’t playin’ no Wildcat! Imma mo’fuckin dawg, son. A dawg dat done been locked up in da pound. A muthafuckin dawgpound, son! See I had time in da pound to be philosophizing and shit. Yeah yeah, between workin’ out, drinkin’ mah grape drink, and passin’ that sticky icky with my boy T-Bone, I done did a lot of thinkin’ and shit. Continue Reading »

With the recent announcement of Star Wars: The Old Republic, the newest Star Wars MMORPG based in the Knights of the Old Republic era, much speculation has been made towards the future state of Star Wars Galaxies. In a recent interview with Massively, SOE CEO John Smedley showed that he too was in the dark about this project. The future of SWG according to him is unknown. At least, that is what he wanted the fanbase to believe in that interview. Thanks to my many industry connections I’ve gotten insider info leaked to me about the future of SWG. It’s future is based entirely on an upcoming expansion slated for 2009. Details after the jump…

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The recent “official” announcement of Star Wars: The Old Republic, formerly speculated to be KOTOR Online, got me all nostalgic about Star Wars Galaxies. So I went ahead and reactivated my long dead account. I was expecting to find all my houses gone and my characters deleted. But everything was still in tact, even though there was a housing packup purge a few months back. I guess they had a feeling I’d be back after so many years so they decided to leave my stuff alone…

I’m back on Wanderhome, and to my surprise a handful of old friends still play. I’m keeping things simple. I’m back in SWG to revisit the past in a way, so it is fitting that I’m choosing my two original professions from back when I first started playing 5 years ago: Commando and Tailor. My main will be my Commando using his trusty Gnosis flamethrower from 2003 (Gnosis was the best Weaponsmith on the server back in the day. His weapons were godly, and this flamethrower was considered to be the second best the server had ever seen. Obviously all weapons were reworked with the CU and NGE, but the sentimental and historical value it carries still makes it my weapon of choice). My alt will take over my tailoring. Aparently Wanderhome was bitching about the lack of tailors for Halloween, so I came back just in time!

Place your bets on how long I’ll last before I quit. Minimum time frame is 1 week!

So Real Soccer 2009 is by far the best game ever released for the iPhone….ever. Who could have ever thought that the power of FIFA ‘08 could be harnessed into a measly little application for a touch screen, non-gaming handheld device? About 200 teams, real players, real stadiums, real everything. And the controls are ridiculously simple. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is grab my iPhone, crawl back into bed, and play two matches of RS09. My team of choice? Atheniakos, which is the unlicensed version of the Greek A-League team Panathinaikos. And of course, my morning is not a good one unless one of those two matches is Atheniakos vs Piraeus (the unlicenesed version of Greek A-League team and Panathinaikos rival, Olympiakos) and I demolish them 4-0 and get at least one red card taking out that bastard midfielder of theirs Djordjevic.

What’s really neat about this game is that you have a variety of Cups to compete in, including the European Cup, the UEFA Cup, the World Cup, the American Cup, the Asian Cup, and the African Cup. And if you don’t want to do those cups, they have league championships such as the English, French, Spanish, German, and Italian leagues. The sound quality is pretty good, considering it’s on an iPhone. You can even hear those screaming loud soccer chants coming from fans in the stadium. Gameplay is very easy however the controls could be a bit more responsive. I found it hard to control when quick reflexes and near-instantaneous changes in player direction were needed. If Gameloft could increase the sensetivity of the D-Pad to allow for more fluid and quicker control of the player, it would be greatly appreciated. Real Soccer 2009 is by far the best $9.99 deal out there right now. If you don’t have an iPhone, it’s available for Xbox 360, Nintendo DS, PC, Wii, and N-Gage. Everyone knows that FIFA ‘08 and Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 sucked major donkey balls. RS09 definitely is better than them. It will definitely keep me good company until FIFA ‘09 comes out, which supposedly has less suck than FIFA 08.

After spending a few weeks trolling the Star Trek Online forums, I’ve come to realize that some people there are really fucking weird… The following quote is an actual post from the forums:

ummm… let me think…. YEA!!! if i get a touch screen computer… i will definitely have an LCARS mod for it!

Don’t forget to ask to be beamed up to Masturbation Station while you’re at it. If this was Star Trek, you’d be the red shirt guy. But aside from the hardcore geekiness, there’s the hardcore virgin horniness:

Who’s the Hottest Trek Babe?

Man Argument part 1: Ezeri Dax or Jadza Dax …. Discuss

Hottest TOS babe

There isn’t a day that goes by where a debate breaks out on whose tits were firmer, Jeri Ryan’s or Jolene Blalock’s. But females are not to be intimidated by this. There’s a few threads for your personal pleasure too:

For the girls, Who´s the hottest star trek captian

There’s even one for the homosexuals:

Am I the only Gay in the Multiverse?

And one for the confused:

Who’s the hottest non-male/non-female Star Trek character?

In essence, it’s been about a month since STO was “relaunched” by Cryptic and already the fans are running out of things to talk about. They’re combing every portion of the Star Trek Universe for things to talk about, including:

How Do You Want Your Tricorder to Work?

Cryptic’s screenshots didn’t spark much discussion, except for a huge debate regarding the graphics. This game needs a jolt of content…FAST! I’m officially afraid to visit the STO forums now, thanks to al this. I advise everyone else to avoid them at all costs.

After the enormous success of this site’s first “season” of existance I’ve decided to bring it back for a second season. This time, it will have nothing to do with what it used to be about. Plain and simple, this is where I will chronicle my gaming career. So pretty much a blog about whatever I see fit regarding gaming. Hell, I might see it fit to include a visit from our good friend Satoru Iwata, you never know. Right now I just resubscribed to Lord of the Rings online after a one-year hiatus. But that won’t be the only game I’ll write about, even though it’s full of interesting stories: